What to Say When You Freeze in Conversations (Paris Expat Story)
“I don’t know what to say.”
I had this thought a lot during my first years in Paris. And believe it or not, it stayed longer than I expected. If you’re a woman living abroad, especially if you’re building a life in a new language and culture, you probably know this moment too.
When this happens, you would think it’s a language problem, or a confidence problem. Well, yes and no. Today I believe it’s also a technique problem. When we were never taught how to communicate well, we don’t always have tools to lean on, especially when we’re tired, stressed, or speaking in a new language.
In my earlier years, I was focused on what the other person would think of me. I was always trying to make sure I didn’t cross the line, that I wouldn’t hurt anyone with my opinion. And when I was learning French, I would freeze because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. In the end, I got so caught up in all these thoughts that I ended up not saying anything.
I’m not a master of communication. But when I look at how my relationships with my husband and my mom have improved, I can honestly say my communication has improved so much.
Thanks to burnout, therapy, shadow work, my coach, my yoga teachers, and the trainings and books I’ve taken, I’ve learned a few essential keys that changed everything for me. I want to share them with you, in case you’re also in that season where you’re adapting a lot, and your voice feels smaller than it really is.
3 communication tools that helped me as an expat in Paris
1. Be curious.
Don’t forget we were all kids once, and kids are curious. Curious kids ask questions. So instead of focusing on what you need to say, or what your opinion should be, ask:
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me more.”
“How did you decide that?”
It sounds simple, but it brings you back into connection, and it gets you out of the spiral of “What do I have to say?”
2. In sensitive moments, speak from “I.”
In debates, misunderstandings, or moments of conflict, instead of “You always…” or “You never…”, try:
“In my experience…”
“I feel…”
“When that happened, it made me feel…”
It helps the other person hear you without feeling attacked, and it helps you stay grounded in what’s true for you.
3. Accept that you will make a fool of yourself sometimes, and it’s OK.
Everybody starts somewhere. Think of it like this, athletes don’t become good because they never fail. They become great because they train. It’s the same with communication, especially in another language. You will say something awkward sometimes. You will search for words. You will misunderstand, and be misunderstood. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. It means you’re learning.
Why this matters in career transition abroad
When you’re in a career transition as a woman abroad, communication becomes everything. It’s how you build new relationships, how you show up in interviews, how you network, how you set boundaries, and how you ask for what you want.
And if you’ve been adapting for years, it’s easy to shrink yourself without even noticing. That’s why “finding your voice” is not just a social skill. It’s part of rebuilding self trust, and making decisions that actually fit your next chapter.
A space to practice, if you’re in Paris
And honestly, this is one of the reasons I created these women gatherings in Paris. Because we need spaces where we can try, share, laugh, be a little messy, and still feel safe. Where we can talk about astrology (lol), our insecurities, our wishes, and at the same time stretch our bodies, move, dance a little, and listen to other women’s stories without anyone judging.
If you’re in Paris and you’d like to join the next gathering, you can find the upcoming dates on my Instagram or newsletter. And if you have a question, you can always message me.